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Why Gossip Feels So Good
Why is it so difficult to keep spectacular news about someone else a secret?
Posted March 1, 2023 Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster
Key points
- Some psychologists have suggested that gossip is one of the most important mechanisms for bonding social groups.
- Recent research indicates that there may be a chemical basis for the bonding benefits of gossip.
- Gossiping seems to trigger a spike in oxytocin, a hormone associated with pair bonding and good feelings.
If someone described you as “a gossip,” you probably would not be flattered; you would undoubtedly feel insulted. We have been well-socialized to detest gossip and gossipers, and not many of us like to think of ourselves this way.
The aspect of gossip that is most troubling to us is that, in its rawest form, it can be a strategy used by individuals to further their own reputations and selfish interests at the expense of others. And although most gossip is not mean-spirited or spiteful, it is this nasty side of gossip that usually overshadows the more benign ways in which it functions in society.
Gossip has always been essential in human groups. To be socially successful, people needed to understand who was a reliable individual who could be trusted and counted on in times of need, who was a cheater who would take advantage of them if given the opportunity, and who would be a dependable, valuable mate. We also had to carefully monitor the doings of those around us if we were to have any hope of effectively managing friendships, alliances, and family relationships.
In short, people who were fascinated with the lives of others were simply more successful than those who were not, and it is the genes of those busybodies that have come down to us through the ages.
Having said this, I am not naïve. Gossip can and does cause problems in the workplace and other social groups when negative gossip gets out of control. But focusing only on the dark side of gossip prevents us from appreciating the many positive things that it accomplishes, and there is ample evidence that when it is controlled, gossip can indeed be a positive force in the life of a group.
Gossip Is a Bonding Mechanism
British evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar (1998) in his book Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language suggested that gossip is one of the most important mechanisms for bonding social groups. He believes it plays a role analogous to grooming in other primate groups.
Sharing gossip with another person is a sign of deep trust because you are signaling that you believe that this person will not use this sensitive information in a way that will have negative consequences for you. Shared secrets have a way of bonding people together. Harmless gossiping with one’s colleagues builds group cohesiveness and boosts morale, and this can lead to greater job satisfaction.
An individual not part of the office gossip network is an outsider who is neither trusted nor accepted by the group. Hence, adopting the role of the self-righteous soul who refuses to participate in gossip will ultimately be self-defeating and will end up being nothing more than a ticket to social isolation.
Is There a Chemical Basis for Gossip?
Recent research indicates that there may be a chemical basis for the bonding benefits of gossip. Specifically, it appears that engaging in gossip triggers a spike in oxytocin, a hormone that is intimately bound up with good feelings and positive human experiences such as empathy, mother-infant bonding, and cooperation with others.
Natascia Brondino and her colleagues at the University of Pavia in Italy conducted a study in which 22 female university students engaged in two conversations two days in a row. On the first day, half of the students interacted with one of their sorority sisters (an accomplice of the experimenters), who shared a scandalous but untrue story about another of their sorority sisters having an unplanned pregnancy. The conversation lasted about 15 minutes, and the accomplice coaxed at least one comment in response to the gossip from each of the participants.
The other half of the participants had a similar interaction, but in this case, the storyteller related an emotional story about a sports injury that she had personally suffered, which led to serious medical complications.
On the second day of the study, all participants had a neutral conversation with Brondino about the study they were involved in.
Following each of these conversations, the students provided a saliva sample to assess the level of oxytocin in the person’s system.
The results were conclusive. The levels of oxytocin detected in the individual’s saliva were significantly higher after engaging in a gossip conversation than following either an emotional non-gossip conversation or a neutral conversation.
This study offers a tantalizing glimpse into what might be happening inside of us when we gossip, and it may help explain why we find gossip so irresistible.
