THE CANCER CALLED GOSSIP

But refuse the younger widows; for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, 12 having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith. 13 And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not. 1 TIMOTHY 5:11-13

According to the National Cancer Institute, Cancer is a term used for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and are able to invade other tissues. Cancer is not just one disease but many diseases. In 2007, cancer claimed the lives of about 7.6 million people in the world.

          This deadly killer is what I liken to gossip from our text in 1Timothy 5:13, 14. In the book of 1 Timothy, Paul counsels was that younger widows below 60 years of age should not be added to the list as widows for church support since they were still young to work, remarry and support themselves. Paul cautions these young widows against the habit of gossip and of being idle. Some of these women are described as “gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to”. So, by being thus occupied give the enemy no opportunity for gossip.

The word translated “gossip” (phlauros-Greek) refers to a tattler, chatterer, or an informer, while “busybody (periegos-Greek) means someone who is meddlesome, nosy and intrusive in other people’s affairs. A gossiper is “one who reveals secrets, one who goes about as a talebearer or scandal-monger.” A gossiper is a person who has privileged information about people and proceeds to reveal that information to those who have no business knowing it. Gossip is the cancer that we must not allow to spread. This is because it is not unusual in the body of Christ and in our work places to engage in cheap gossip because of our passion to either belong or be informed over the happening in our locations. We must realize that gossip is like cancer that once it begins to spread might get out of control and destroy the body life of the church.

• The Causes of this cancer called gossip

All cancers begin in cells, the body's basic unit of life. The body is made up of many types of cells. These cells grow and divide in a controlled way to produce more cells as they are needed to keep the body healthy. When cells become old or damaged, they die and are replaced with new cells. However, sometimes this orderly process goes wrong. Cancer starts when cells in a part of the body start to grow out of control.

          In our text, the cancer of gossip starts growing when the body life of the church in worship, visitation and fellowship meant to strengthen the health of people begins to grow out of control and used for some other things. Our text uses two terms to describe this: “gossip” (phlauros-Greek) refers to a tattler, chatterer, and informer, which arises from our natural use of speech and interaction and “busybody (periegos-Greek): to be nosy and meddlesome, which arises from our quest to know. Let us examine some of the causes of this cancer called gossip from these two terms.

• meddlesome attitude. We want information on almost everything we see and our minds runs across in a bid to be current and know what to do in positioning ourselves in the power game in our institutions or be seen as influential. Must you know everything. Gossip feels good. It feels good to know something about someone else and to share that something with another. Yet, even under the best of motives, “sharing” easily turns into “gossip” and we do damage that we can’t completely undo.
• Idleness. Like these young widows in Ephesus, some of us have too much used time. Paul told the young widows not to waste their time in going from house to house and engaging in useless talk and tattering. Some of us have too much unproductive time that we don’t put to good use. Busy people have no time for gossip. No doubt the idle mind and hand is the devil’s playground.
• Self-righteous attitude. The self-righteous person often seeks to divide and tear others down by creating a wedge in relationships. They consistently see themselves as right and others as wrong. They claim to have integrity but their speech and conduct say otherwise. Gossip is a way we judge others, which really isn’t our job. It is the tendency of see what he/she has done, I wouldn’t do that or see now that I am better. Gossipers often have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad and exalting themselves as some kind of special breeds. Are they really?
• Loose lips. Some of us can’t just keep our mouth shut, we are talking machines. In fact, we should have been called “basket mouth”. Gossiping is enjoyable. Many people gossip just for fun or to blow off steam and feel safe" Attributing a statement to someone else takes the responsibility for its accuracy away from the person speaking. But this technicality doesn't make it ethical to gossip. Emrys Westacott In "The Ethics of Gossiping" in the International Journal of Applied Philosophy, uses flow charts to help people decide whether their gossip is ethical.

It is easy for us – within the Christian community – to gossip about others, often within our own community of faith, because we do so under the banner of “sharing”. We “share” with others about a friend’s problem” because we want others to pray for them. Wink. Wink. The reality is, however, that it’s just plain gossip.

• Socio-spiritual entertainment. When you gossip with someone, you and the person you're talking to are displaying reciprocal trust and relationship. Gossip encourages social bonding because birds of a feather flock together. The people you gossip with are part of your core value. Though statics vary, a Social Issues Research Center notes that gossip accounts for 55% of men's conversation time and 67% of women's. As one psychologist wrote, “ Men just call it "networking, but women see it as entertainment”. Men’s gossip has to do with who has gained and who has lost out in power games, but women’s gossip has more to do with who has more physical beauty, worth and value.

• The Characteristics of this cancer called gossip. 1 Timothy 5:13

Cancer spreads when the cells within malignant tumors have the ability to invade neighboring tissues and organs, thus spreading the disease. It is also possible for cancerous cells to break free from the tumor site and enter the bloodstream, spreading the disease to other organs. This process of spreading is called metastasis (say: meh-tas-tuh-sis). However, characteristics or symptoms of cancer vary based on the type of cancer. This similarity we also find in our text as the two terms “gossip (phlauros-Greek): a tattler, and “busybody (periegos-Greek) suggest. The two terms “gossip” (phlauros-Greek): a tattler, and “busybody (periegos-Greek): nosy and meddlesome person identifies to us some of the characterisitcs of this cancer called gossip.

Usually in a context of fellowship, visitation, interaction and discussion, the cancer called gossip breaks out form the right speech. The communication startups are often what poses a quest for knowing either from you or from them. It could be as simple as people asking questions about what you heard or know or thought about someone else or their actions.  It could sound like the following:

• You wouldn’t believe what I heard Rev. Chika did about Lugard…?
• Ehmm, I heard that Ngozi has…
• Did you see Irene’s new boyfriend?

All these are obvious gossip conversations starters about other people and should be very easy to identify in a conversation or start of one.

Gossips sometimes begin with people sharing personal stories of themselves and they seem to show interest in your life. People who do this are people who are very likeable and close and sometimes command a hearing from you because of basic relationship convergences. They are good at pretending to be your friend or pretending to be interested in helping a situation or a person. They will often share personal things with you about themselves and will show interest in your life. That’s usually to get you to feel comfortable with them which creates a closeness in their mind but beware. This person is not your friend and is not to be trusted.

Gossips sometimes have a spiritual covering. These persons can be sneaky about their gossiping to the extent that you may pretend to have spiritual goals and welfare as their driving force. Due to their personality type I guarantee you that this person will use the very information you’ve shared against you when the timing is right for them. Keep your relationship on a distant level if you have to interact with this individual in the church or office.

Gossipers exhibit attention seeking behaviours. This is because they tend to show to you that they know so much about an organization, person or situation that has a bearing on you. This is what engages your attention but you don’t know that such ones don’t have a life outside the environment where they are. They are relationship disasters. This is because they seem to thrive on creating conflict and troubling settled waters to call attention to themselves. Watch out!

Gossips tries to bring you into another person’s matter for which you no have no business in knowing and even if you know have no foundation to do something about it. The type of information shared. Gossipers speak of the faults and failings of others, or reveal potentially embarrassing or shameful details regarding the lives of others without their knowledge or approval. Even if they mean no harm, it is still gossip

All these characteristics don’t necessarily have to be present but these are just a few that I think if you experience or see in a person my best advice is to use caution. Whatever you do don’t share personal information or confide in them. If not, stay clear.

• The Consequences of this cancer called gossip. 1 Timothy 5:14

Cancer harms the body when damaged cells divide uncontrollably to form lumps or masses of tissue called tumors (except in the case of leukemia). Tumors can grow and interfere with the digestive, nervous, and circulatory systems and they can release hormones that alter body function. This is exactly what Paul drives at because gossip alters the body chemistry of the body life of a place.

Gossip makes our spiritual life suffer. All sin separates us from intimate fellowship with God. Gossip is no different. God holds us accountable for our careless words. For Paul it gives the adversary (antikeimai: Greek): the one in opposition occasion to bring us to reproach (loidoria-Greek): slander and relationship strain. Some of the consequences of gossip are:

Gossip damages Relationships - When a person learns that you have passed on a gossip about them– or true, but confidential information – it always does damage to the relationship. Proverbs 16:28: “A perverse man stirs up dissension and a gossip separates close friends.”

Gossip destroys Trust - Sometime ago, I shared an issue with a personal problem I was having. Two days later I got a call from a mutual friend wanting to help with my problem. The colleague is still a friend, but that was the last time I ever trusted him with personal problems that I did not want on air. Proverbs 11:13, “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 26:20 – “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”

Gossiping often spread falsehood. So often, our gossip consists of sharing unproven rumors about others – that turns out to be untrue. This is dangerous in a number of ways. First, the person the rumor is about has no opportunity to respond as the rumor spreads. Second, people often make incorrect judgments about people based on rumors that prove untrue. This does an untold amount of damage to the person the rumor is about. Third, we participate in spreading what amounts to lies. This does harm to our own integrity and reputation. Proverbs 15:4, “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

Illustration -I read a story of a person who repeated gossip – some rumor about a neighbor. Soon, the whole community had heard the rumor. Later, the person who spread the gossip learned that the rumor was untrue. The person was very sorry and went to an elder in the community who had a reputation for great wisdom to seek advice. The elder told the person, “Go to your home and take a feather pillow outside. Rip it open and scatter the feathers, then return to me tomorrow.” The person did as the elder had instructed. The next day, the person visited the elder. The elder said, “Go and collect the feathers you scattered yesterday and bring them back to me.” The person went home and searched for the feathers, but the wind had carried them all away. The person returned to the elder and said, “I could find none of the feathers I scattered yesterday.” “You see,” said the elder, “it’s easy to scatter the feathers but impossible to get them back.” So it is with gossip; it doesn’t take much to spread hurtful words, but once you do, you can never completely undo the damage.

Gossip endangers the health of someone. Gossip can stir up negative emotions in people and those emotions can be the precursors to further serious sin. Emotions like hatred, envy, strife, bitterness, grief, and mistrust can all be stirred up when gossip is allowed to run wild. There is nothing good about gossip and it usually hurts the person under gossip and the people involved in sharing the gossip.  There are many dangers of gossip: it brings emotional stress to those involved; hurt feelings; create undeserved reputations. Leviticus 19:16 – “Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.” (NIV)

• The Cure for this cancer called gossip. 1 Timothy 5:13

Most people don't realize that cancer is preventable in many cases just like gossip. Cancer is treated with surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation — or sometimes a combination of these treatments. The choice of treatment depends on: the type of cancer someone has (the kind of abnormal cells causing the cancer) and the stage of the tumor (meaning how much the cancer has spread within the body, if at all)

Similarly, the level and severity of gossip determines the particular cure or combination that you apply to it. If left unattended to it can spread and infect other parts of the body. In our text, Paul counsels the idle widows to become busy as a check for the cancer of gossip. This we can also do get busy.

Develop the habit of finding out facts before chorusing a statement. When you are faced with a statement that may or may not be gossip, check out the facts. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the person yourself, and the rumor is something serious, you may want to go to a parent, pastor, or youth leader. Getting someone to help in a serious situation is not gossip as long as the information stays with you and the person you go to for help. For instance, if you hear someone has done something, go to the person or tell the one telling you that you would ask the person and quote him/her as your source. If the informant does not agree, then have nothing to do with the information. In other words, Confront the gossiper:

• Politely say that you would prefer to talk about that person when they are present
• If you know the source of gossip, go and confront them immediately and calmly tell them you do not appreciate them talking about you and that it causes hurt feelings whether intentional or not.
• If you hear someone start some gossip, offer to go to that victimized person with the gossiper right away to discuss it.
• Simply respond to gossip, “Would you like to have someone share that about you without you knowing?” and walk away.
• State I don’t like talking about other people because I don’t like them talking about me.
• State that you don’t talk about others unless its to help them or support them
• State that you don’t want to talk about others negatively unless they are involved in the discussion

Develop a helping and encouraging culture. If you want to avoid gossip, focus on creating edifying and encouraging statements. Say about others what you would love to be said about you.

• Never start any of your own gossip
• Change the topic whenever a conversation leads to gossip
• Refuse to listen or respond to any gossip you are faced with

• Hide any hurt feelings or dramatic reaction to gossip.  This fuels the gossips to continue as its often what gossips want to generate. Let the gossip end with you and remember the Golden Rule – if you don’t want people to gossip about you, then don’t participate in gossip. Matthew 7:12 – “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (NIV)
• Don’t be afraid to Stop - if you catch yourself falling into gossip – stop. If you don’t pass on the gossip there is nowhere for it to go. Since gossip is so powerful it has a great influence on others and so it must be battled through positive influence in response. 

• Avoid people who talk gossip and don’t give any opportunities for them to spread it

• Simply leave the room or conversation when gossip starts
• Don’t respond to questions about opinions on others or other gossip traps
• Ignore gossip and don’t engage in any gossip based conversations

Conclusion - Nothing is more deadly to relationships than spreading false rumors and gossip. The wise person keeps their tongue in check. The next time you are tempted to gossip remember the proverb of the feathers – and how your words, once they do damage, may never be completely undone. Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength you need to resist the urge to gossip. Remember